How it is!

I'm not sure I can put into words how I'm feeling today, but I will sure try.

I know I'm depressed but I can't admit it to family or friends. I know they will just think I'm silly or stupid. You know how I know this? I had a fall out with my husband's family a while back and my FIL made the comment that it was, "because I am depressed". Like that makes me crazy. How can I ever admit to my husband that I feel depressed? How can I say that there are times I want to lock myself away from my kids because other wise I'm afraid of how I will be with them? The screaming, the hitting, the not napping, it driv

es me insane. Some times I HATE me for evening thinking I hate them. What is wrong with me? I'm a Christian, I should never think these things ever. Should I even be allowed to be depressed? Shouldn't I turn everything to God and suddenly be okay?

When I hang out with church mommies I feel silly around them. They say, "you should wake up before your household". You should, "have the house perfect and dinner on the table when your husband comes home". You should, "NEVER yell at your children". I guess also if I were a godly woman, my children would be AMAZING. But none of this is true for me. The house is a crazy mess most of the time when the husband gets home. Dinner is prepared when he takes the kids off my hands for me. I don't wake up before my household because the baby wakes up all through out the night and then gets me up at 6am for the d

ay. My son is strong-willed and we haven't figured out the correct discipline for him. I get stressed out hanging out with the perfect moms of our church.

So lately I feel fat, run down, ugly, a terrible wife, and mom. But don't worry, my days aren't always like this so if you stumbled upon my blog I will write better blogs. And on the good days, I love my children and husband so much and mys

elf but I do fall into these terrible sinful days.